35 Years

After church today when I saw you at the end of the hall, it was like I jumped back about 36 years for a second. Those days at the Arcata building! Ah yes – couldn’t forget that. Crazy that just yesterday I read in the paper that Arcata okayed the permit to tear down that building. As sad as it is to see that building go, hey, they can’t separate me from the memories! It’s powerfully sentimental to think of my young man boyish self from those days and meeting up with you. Good times. In so many ways. Glad I came to Humboldt County and drank deep of its natural resources!

I am not sure about being called a natural resource! Natural, yes…that is why you liked me so much. I remember that several girls had a crush on the handsome boy from LA. I felt so lucky to be the girlfriend of such an adorable and smart guy. We could talk about anything for hours. Remember how my mom loved to watch us sit on the floor in the living room of my house and be oblivious of the world around us as we conversed and laughed. We never ran out of things to talk about.

Yeah. Your mom. Great lady – little did I know at the time the level of her.. – I’m not sure what to call it – eccentricity? Nerve? Pizzazz? What ever it was/is, she had plenty of it! As the years went by, I came to appreciate how much it sometimes bothered you. I just laughed it off, but you had to grow up with it and deal with her on a much more personal and up front way. Ya did good. I know sometimes she was really uncool to ya. I think about how you were sometimes bothered by the thought that you might unknowingly adopt some of her character traits that you did not admire. I always laughed that off too. You are you. Unique, caring, perceptive, thoughtful, sensitive. Enjoy yourself and your legacy.

That reminder has been a comfort to me. You were my greatest support! But I think you liked many of the character traits I did get from her. You always treated my mother with great love and care. She LOVED you for it, and I can see that you have treated me with the same devotion when I have been less than easy to live with. You never hit me, called me names, etc., but I did make you mad plenty of times. You saved your real anger for the kids. Remember the doorknob through the wall and the broken baking dish? It is funny that you never really spanked them, but the house took a beating!

THAT is funny. The burn is that I ended up having to fix the house that took the beating. You’re right, though – there’s no abuse legacy in the fam. I feel pretty confidant that got passed onto the next gen. I mean really, look at your sons. Real lurking violent guys, eh? It never ceases to amaze me the kind of children you raised and the adults they have become. How is it possible? Why the lack of animosity? Why the understanding and the compassion and the friendship? Everyone of ‘em are fun to be around. Thanks.

There is a definite explanation. No matter how stern or strict I was, a gentle, sweet, fun father was there to give them a happy childhood. Looking at this from the perspective of time, I would say that you became more strict (especially as a Probation Officer!!!) and I have become more happy and fun-loving. We have definitely retained our original gifts, but have left each other better for our being together. No one would have given much hope that a 19 year old girl and 20 year-old boy getting married would have created so much magic for this batch of kids. The odds were against us. I cannot believe, as I look at you (gorgeous old surfer dude), that we got together and are celebrating 35 amazing years together.

Hah, you’re just sayin that (but keep on doin it!). It is crazy how we somehow navigated the journey of young marriage – don’t ask me how. I think a lot of people that try don’t. I think it’s harder today than it was even just 35 years ago. But here we are. And I’m happy. Seriously. Because I have someone to love and talk and laugh with. Someone to share life and experience with. Funny that we’re way different, that’s for sure. I like spending time with you.

Spending time together has changed so much. It started with just us two all the time—for a very short time. Then it was caring for, chasing and playing with LOTS of kids. Then embracing the teen/baby balance. Moving into the only-teens excitement. Serving in church together has brought immense joy to us both. Now it is completing the crossword together, laughing over probation and seminary stories (with high security verbiage on both). Consoling each other with back and knee pain, and sharing the horror that all this fun is closer to ending than it ever has been. All that is left now is laughing and laughing more and growing old together. I love you. Thanks for the memories and all the joy yet to come. Happy anniversary, my eternal sweetheart.

When I was younger and the older folks would say stuff like, “I thought we loved each other when we were younger, but now I really know a lot more of what love means” - I would think, “yeah, yeah, get off the stage with the sentimental stuff”. What a twirp. Sorry to all those old folks that are probably dead now. ‘Cause, uh, yeah. I kinda get it now. There is something inside of me that is so tightly bound to you – it runs deep. I love you and our life together.